


let our walls cave in

by emmaswoodhouse



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Domestic Fluff, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Post-Canon, post trk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 04:08:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20735996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmaswoodhouse/pseuds/emmaswoodhouse
Summary: Love came naturally to Ronan. He’d grown up with so much of it, knew its every corner and side. He had been a prince, adored by his royal family. Even when it was taken away from him, Ronan still kept that feeling in his heart and nurtured it, waiting for someone to give it to. And his heart had chosen to give it to Adam of all people, which Adam still had a hard time believing or understanding.But he was trying.





	let our walls cave in

**Author's Note:**

> title is from "heart" by sleeping at last. feedback is very much appreciated. enjoy! ♡

If three years ago you had told Adam Parrish that he would be a Harvard almost-graduate, spending his last spring break before graduation back in Henrietta, waking up next to Ronan Lynch, well…To be honest, he wouldn’t have regarded such a ridiculous assumption with any attention at all.

Yet, here he was. Home. Because that’s what the Barns were to Adam now. His one true home. Growing up, that word had been meaningless to him. About as meaningless as words like ‘family’ or ‘love’. He’d made his peace with the fact that he would never know or find those things, so he focused on the things he could build for himself, alone. Like an education, a career, a purpose, a life as far away from Henrietta as his eyes could see.

Yet, here he was. Back here, where he had started. And those things that were once just meaningless words to him? Now he had all three. They were these small sounds in the back of Adam’s mind, constantly reminding him of all that he now had. Waking up after a long night of studying for finals to the sound of Ronan making breakfast and rain tapping on the roof of the Barns – that was home. The sound of Opal’s smug laughter after Ronan has scolded her for saying something in Latin that they both know she’s already learned in English; or the sound of Blue, Gansey and Henry talking over each other on Skype, trying to tell him about their latest trip mishap – that was family. The sound of Ronan softly whispering Adam’s name against his lips, sending shivers down Adam’s spine, before looking into his eyes like no one else ever has, all the adoration and worship in the world reflecting in Ronan’s bright blue eyes – that was love.

Adam didn’t know how to return that much love. He tried, every day he tried and he was getting better, but he knew he would never be able to love the way Ronan loved him. Love came naturally to Ronan. He’d grown up with so much of it, knew its every corner and side. He had been a prince, adored by his royal family. Even when it was taken away from him, Ronan still kept that feeling in his heart and nurtured it, waiting for someone to give it to. And his heart had chosen to give it to Adam of all people, which Adam still had a hard time believing or understanding. But he _was_ trying.

The first time Ronan had told him he loved him wasn’t really unexpected. It was the first time Adam had come home from college for winter break and from the moment he’d seen Ronan waiting for him, leaning on the hood of the BMW, trying his darn hardest not to smile too wide, not to give away just how much he’d missed him, Adam knew he was home. He knew this wouldn’t be the last time he’d come back. He knew he was a fucking goner for Ronan Lynch. And he didn’t mind it nearly as much as he’d thought he would.

“Hey, Parrish.” Ronan said as nonchalantly as he could but Adam wasn’t buying it. He surged forward until his arms were firmly around Ronan’s shoulders, tugging him as closely as he could. He felt the sharp intake of breath from Ronan, and he smiled against Ronan’s neck. “Woah, okay, I get it. You really fucking missed me.” Ronan still tried to sound neutral but his arms had come up tightly around Adam’s waist and Adam could feel Ronan’s heart racing against his own chest. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours, or seconds, depending on how far from home Adam was when he thought back on that moment, and as soon as they pulled away Ronan was looking at him like _that_. Like his whole world started and ended with Adam Parrish. Adam was terrified. He wasn’t supposed to feel like he had left anything behind after graduating. That wasn’t the plan. But he did. He felt like his life was here and Harvard was just a temporary stop on his way back here. He’d always believed it would be the other way around. “It’s good to have you back, Parrish.” Ronan smiled his sharp Ronan smile and Adam’s heart stopped. Yes, he thought, it does feel good.

Two hours later they were parked in front of the Barns but they couldn’t seem to make it out of the car. Two and a half months apart were proving to be more than either of them imagined and they were both determined to learn each other all over again. Adam had forgotten how good it felt to touch someone, to be touched by someone, and when that someone was Ronan Lynch – let’s just say it was really fucking hard to pull away. “We gotta go check on Opal, Lynch, c’mon.” Adam gathered all his will power to say, still feeling Ronan’s breath against him.

“She eats twigs, Parrish, she’ll be fine.” Ronan protested against Adam’s neck and he laughed. They were horrible parents. But then again, was Opal really a child? Could any part of their situation really be explained in normal, human terms? Adam didn’t care though. He loved how messed up they all were. They were his.

“We’re _going_, Lynch. Besides, we have two whole weeks for…other things.” Adam said with his Southern accent seeping through, looking at him with the kind of mischief he knew drove Ronan crazy. He knew Ronan had thought of him in that way long before Adam had figured out his own feelings and Adam was determined to make all of those thoughts a reality until Ronan had forgotten the difference. Adam had never wanted anything as badly as he wanted Ronan and if there’s anything he knew about him, which wasn’t as much as he’d thought, it was that Ronan felt the same.

Adam’s hand was on the door handle but as soon as it clicked open, he felt Ronan gripping his opposite arm. Adam turned around and saw that look again. That look that said every single word in the world, in every single language, and, in that moment, they all had the same meaning. “I’m really fucking glad you came back, Parrish.” Ronan slowly brought Adam’s hand up to his lips and kissed his fingers, Adam feeling it in every single nerve ending in his body. “Adam…” Ronan said in a low, sharp voice and the whole world disappeared around them. Adam knew it was coming. He also felt the tears already prickling in his eyes. Stop it, he thought, don’t.

“I love you.”

Adam wasn’t exactly the anxious type but in this moment he was convinced he was having a panic attack. The tears streamed down his face and he was having trouble breathing properly. He wanted to say something, anything, but all he was able to do was bury his face in his hands and try to muffle his sobs. He felt Ronan’s arms come around him. He felt helpless and he hated that feeling. He never cried. Not even when his father had slammed him against walls, screaming his lungs away over how useless Adam was, did he ever allow himself to cry. Being loved by Ronan Lynch was more powerful than any hit in the face or spiteful word ever said to Adam – it carried more weight than any of it. He tried his best to calm down and look up at Ronan, just the sight of his beautiful, worried face enough to break him down again. Adam wiped his eyes and took a deep breath. “No one’s ever said that to me before.” _And I’ve never said it to anyone. _The second part he didn’t say. He wasn’t ready. Someday.

Ronan looked at him thoughtfully, studying his face. Sometimes Adam forgot that this is all new to him too. This kind of love he’d only ever felt for Adam. “I know.” Ronan said softly. “I’m sorry.” And if this was anyone else, Adam would have taken it as pity and told them to fuck off. But Ronan Lynch wasn’t anyone. He was the only one that truly knew Adam. Ronan wanted to take all the pain Adam had ever felt and replace it with his unquestionable love and affection. Adam still had no idea what he’d done to deserve this. “But I’m gonna tell you every day. Until you believe it, you insufferable fuck. And then some.” Adam actually laughed. Audibly. And in that moment he knew – he may not have been ready to say it yet but he knew. This was love. And it was different and scary and dizzying – but it was real. And it was his and no one could take it away from him. He’d like to see them try. He leaned over and kissed Ronan lightly, a promise that one day he _would_ say it back. As soon as he pulled back and looked at him, Adam knew that Ronan understood. And that he would wait.

When he _did_ say it, it came after months of mental planning. As with everything Adam did, he wanted to be prepared. His preparations, however, ended up being completely pointless. They were talking on the phone one night, something they only did maybe once or twice a week since Adam was working two jobs between classes and hardly ever had a moment to himself, and Ronan was waging an infamous war against phones. Adam was tired as hell but it had been eight days since he’d heard his boyfriend’s voice and he was enjoying hearing about which horse was pregnant and which cow refused to eat way more than usual. Ronan was an incredible storyteller, something he undoubtedly got from Niall Lynch, and Adam loved the soft and husky tone of his voice, loved hearing just his breathing during pauses, loved the way he could feel his smile while he talked about Opal, pretending to be annoyed with her. Adam loved, loved, _loved_…He never had before so he was greedy now. Loved as much as he could manage and it was beginning to overflow. So it just did. Right in the middle of their conversation, Adam wasn’t even really hearing what Ronan was telling him about anymore, his eyes starting to close on their own, and his mind already half-asleep, but still clear enough to remember one thing, the very last thought Adam had every night before he drifted off:

“God, I love you, Ronan.”

Adam’s brain quickly snapped back into consciousness. Had he really just said it out loud? For the first time? Over the phone? This was so not how he’d imagined it at all and the intense silence on the other end of the line was making him increasingly terrified. It went on for a minute, and then two, and three. Until. “Shit.” Ronan all but whispered and Adam nearly missed it. His heart was in his throat. “Fuck, say that again.” Ronan said quietly and it almost sounded like a plea. Adam felt light bursting out of his chest. He’d never felt this free, this happy, this…everything. So he said it again. And again, and again until they both fell asleep, gripping the phone in their hands. The next morning Adam was almost sure he’d dreamt it. But when Ronan called again three days later, his voice lighter and clearer than he’d ever heard it before, Adam knew it was real. Before their conversation that night ended Adam said it first, just to make sure he still could. He heard Ronan take in a sharp breath before saying “Me too, Parrish. So fucking much.” He felt the smile in Ronan’s voice. Adam was _made_ of light now, his heart screaming with it. He knew it would take Ronan more time to actually believe he meant it but Adam was determined to say it as many times as he had to. After all, it was still a little hard for him to believe it himself – he was actually in love for the first (and most likely only) time in his life – with Ronan fucking Lynch - who creates impossible things in his dreams and loves them into existence. Someone that impossible and magical loved _him_. Adam knew they’d have to keep reassuring each other that this was real, that neither one of them was going anywhere. But he was ready. Ready to say it again and again, until they didn’t need to anymore. Until all it took was a look – and they both knew.

Which was where they were today. Spring break. Twenty-one days before Adam officially became a Harvard graduate. Light slowly began to creep in through the curtains. Adam turned over so he could look at his boyfriend before he woke up. He looked peaceful. It had taken Ronan months to trust himself in his dreams again. Some nights were truly awful, Ronan refusing to even get in their bed, convinced his nightmares would follow him into reality. It had taken a lot of time and patience and reassurance for the both of them to trust themselves again. Adam hadn’t forgotten either. He could never forget how he had almost killed the boy he’d just figured out he had feelings for, before he could even fully understand them. That thought haunted him every day and he couldn’t shake it as hard as he tried, as many nights as Ronan had spent repeating over and over that it wasn’t really him, that it was all over now. Adam wasn’t sure it would ever truly be over. But at least they were here, they were together. They were better than before. Adam reached over and carefully traced Ronan’s tattoo with his finger. He knew every line of it, as well as Ronan did, if not better. It was familiar, it was _home_. Even after all this time, Adam couldn’t believe the fondness that word brought to his heart. “Staring is creepy, Parrish. Knock it off.” Ronan didn’t bother to open his eyes to say it. He didn’t have to. He knew Adam as well as the black patterns on his back. If not better.

They completed each other in every way. The pieces of them that were once irreparably jaded slowly and steadily began to fit together until the picture was complete in Adam’s mind – this was his whole world. And in that moment, in that perfectly peaceful as it could ever be sunny Saturday morning, Adam knew. He’d done the math in his head and every calculation was the same. His mind was clearer than ever, which was the only state in which he could ever make decisions. Especially ones like this. Big. And possibly life-changing. He took a deep breath, and went for it.

“Marry me, Lynch.” Ronan’s eyes snapped open and Adam was immediately mesmerized by their clarity. It never failed to amaze him how blue they were. After making sure Adam was serious, Ronan sat up on his elbows. “The fuck did you smoke on campus last night, Parrish?”

Adam smiled at him. “How dare you, asshole. You know I would never.”

“What the hell are you on about, then?” Adam looked into Ronan’s eyes, trying to find a single shred of doubt in his reflection in them. If he was going to back-peddle, this was his opening. But he didn’t want to.

“I want to marry you, Ronan. I don’t care if we do it today or after graduation or in two, three, ten years. It’s always going to be what I want. You’re what I want. I want you to be my family. Officially.” Ronan was studying him in that quiet, thoughtful way he did anything. He wasn’t somebody who rushed things, Adam knew that much. He could also hear Ronan’s heart pounding all the way from his side of the bed.

Ronan lay back on the bed, facing the ceiling. “Fuck. Gansey’s gonna lose his shit deciding which one of us he gets to be maid of honor to.” Adam laughed despite himself.

“Shut up, Lynch, I’m serious.” Adam took Ronan’s face in his hands and held his gaze. “I want this.”

Ronan was looking back at him now, lightly shaking his head. “This can’t be fucking real.”

Adam’s chest tightened. “Well, it’s real to me. And I want it to be real forever.”

Ronan kissed him then, hard and messy, like he was assuring him of something. “That a yes, then?” Adam said breathlessly when they pulled apart, foreheads pressed together.

“A fucking meteor couldn’t stop me from marrying you, Parrish.” Ronan whispered and kissed him again, Adam smiling against his lips.

And it was right then that Adam finally allowed himself to believe he deserved this. All of it – the home in the town he’d once desperately tried to escape, the family he’d found in a group of friends he’d once tried to convince himself he didn’t need, the love of a boy he used to think he hated and could never understand.

For the first time in his life, Adam realized that perhaps not everything in life had a clear, logical explanation. And maybe it was better that way. Or maybe it just didn’t matter.

Who needs logic anyway when you’re this damn happy?


End file.
